The Doug Funnie Chronicles
by Critical Toast
Summary: A crazy Doug parody is all this is. Rated R for sexual situations and harsh language.


//DISCLAIMER\\: I do NOT own Doug or anything related to it, nor do I own any other characters who might make cameo appearences throughout this fanfic; they are the sole property of their respectful owners, though 97% of the human race could discern this on their own without my help.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter 1: Enter MetalDoug  
  
"Bangin' on a trash caaaaaan!! Drummin' on a street liiiiight!" Doug sang as he was approaching Mr. Dink's house. Mr. Dink was one that you might call eccentric, disturbed, hell, just plain insane. He was a stout, purple man with a knack for buying thing that were "Very Expensive". Doug finished his song session with a triumphant shout of "YEAH!!1!" Mr. Dink heard this, knowing that it was Doug. He ran to the door with something that he had just bought. The device which he was holding looked like a miniature satellite dish on a trophy stand and had a few buttons on the side for whatever the device actually did. (If it actually did anything at all.)  
  
Doug was poised to knock on the door but Mr. Dink got to it first. Doug jumped back in shock. "Hello there, Douglas! Ha Ha! Have you seen my new bird radar? Very expensive!" Mr. Dink said, adding some of his trademark hearty laughter afterwards. "Bird radar?" questioned Doug, looking at Mr. Dink as though he was insane, which he was. "Why would you--" Doug was cut off. "Lookee at this display, it can monitor birds within a 400 km radius!! Oh, and this thing, it's what powers the radar, allowing it to..."  
  
Doug had looked down the road. He saw Roger and his gang, WHOAMG! Doug tapped into the powers of Quailman and suddenly sprouted a pair of briefs form his shorts, and a belt form his head. Doug then gave Mr. Dink the Quaileye forcing him back into the house and into a state of silence. Roger saw this and gave out an exclamation of "WTF?!" His gang instinctively fled into the heart of Bluffington. Roger stayed behind in an attempt to pick a fight with Doug. "Hey Funnie! Give me ya lunch money!" Roger demanded. "Never again will you terrorize Bluffington with your filthy lies!! QUAILKICK!!" Doug leapt into the air and kicked Roger in the face, causing him to fall to the ground, holding his nose. "ARGH!! Ya broke my nose, you pedestrian!!" screamed an enraged Roger, still holding his nose. He fled into the night, leaving nothing behind.  
  
On that, Quailman had reverted back to Doug. "That was a tough battle!" Just then, a mysterious voice said "500 exp. gained! 20 Tech points gained!" Doug turned around with a sharp motion and gave a shout of "BOOGA BOOGA!!" in an attempt to frighten the voice from whence it came. The voice gave Doug the finger and ran away.   
  
"Honk honk! Hey, man! What the hell are you doing here?" said Doug's blue friend, Skeeter. "Skeet! You can't say that!" exclaimed Doug. "It's all right, this story is rated "R" anyways. AOOGAH!" said skeeter, feeling very sure of himself. "Like I said, what are you doing here? I thought you were sex0ring Bebe up." "What're you talking about, Skeeter. I was here fighting Roger, and besides, you know I like Patti." stated a very confused Doug.  
  
Then, all of a sudden, SAURON busted in! "I am evil Sauron! Give me the Ring, Frodo!" Roared Sauron. "What are you talking about? Who are you?" said Skeeter, who was now feeling a bit confused himself. "Do not play games with MY mental capacity!! I know you have the Ring, and I intend to take it!! For eons the Ring has held together the very fabric of space-time. The Universe is DOOMED without it!!" exclaimed Sauron, who was now, just like all the rest, confused. "We don't have any Rings, you face!" said Doug. "Now leave!" "Fool! I have powers beyond your foolish human fool-grasp of understanding, fool!" "Argh!! SHUT UP!!" yelled Doug. "Take this and leave. NOW." Doug handed Sauron a Funyun. "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?! What have you done to my Ring?!? Prepare to DIE!!!!" Bellowed Sauron as he unsheathed his sword, preparing to strike Doug and Skeeter. "AHHH!!!" Sauron was shot in the back by a piercing beam of coherent light, otherwise known as a laser. As the smoke cleared from Sauron's smoldering remains, a figure, which looked just like Doug, was holding a smoking laser pistol. "Bloody fool, thought he'd never shut up." "Thanks for the save back there, who are you?" questioned a relieved Doug. "Fool, I did NOT come here to save you. I came here because I was sex0ring Bebe's face, and this fool's blather prevented me from focusing my 'attack' on her. Besides all of that, I'm MetalDoug, the greatest of all of Dr. Doctor's robots." MetalDoug was exactly like Doug in every way, except for the fact that he talked in a British accent and had all sorts of bolts sticking out from his face.  
  
"Hmph. You had better watch yourself, or else I'll come after YOU next!" said MetalDoug as his legs transformed into rocket boosters. He then made his way back to Bebe's house for some "action".  
  
"What are we gonna do, man? He's going to ruin your reputation of being nonsexual." said a concerned Skeeter. "I don't know about that, but we need to do something. I HAVE TO STOP HIM!!!" exclaimed Doug as dramatic background music started playing. "Let it go, man. We blew the whole budget on this one episode." said Skeeter. "Oh, shit..." said a depressed Doug. 


End file.
